Have you ever heard of the term "Friend zone"? Of course you have! For a lot of men it's one of the most menacing of words. An everyday battle and constant reminder of not quite being good enough. Where we as men lose all our power and find ourselves now under total subjection. Oh yea, it's That Deep. And if for some reason you've never heard this term spoken before, allow me to enlighten you. The Friend zone is 'the space where a woman places a man who has romantic feelings for her. And while she likes him as a person she doesn't share in those same sentiments'. OUCH! Guys have you ever heard this before. “You are so amazing. I hope to find a guy like you someday”. The all too familiar story of a guy trapped in this infinite abyss of bra shopping and purse holding. Showing pictures of her to his mom as “girlfriend”, but looking beyond delusion being nothing more than her ‘go to partner’ in a game of Taboo. And as harsh as this may seem it happens everyday. What a sad life this is. And until a man wakes up, this can potentially haunt him for years! But let's change gears a bit and pick up with a lesser known but equally as menacing term " Back Pocket".
Ladies does this sound familiar? "Yea, I really have strong feelings for you. I can see us starting a family someday and living that life you've always dreamed of. BUT, right now I wanna focus on blah-zee blah-zee blah". If you've heard this, you have just been placed comfortably right next to his wallet and car keys in the Back pocket! 'This is the space where a woman wants to share in a romantic relationship with a man and the man actually agrees to it. BUT just not right now, or Ever for that matter'. Unlike "The Friend Zone" where conversations about romance are completely avoided, Team Back Pocket actually embraces the conversation. Where actual feelings are on display and it possesses all the familiar symptoms of an actual relationship. Without it actually being one. OUCH!! Another interesting dynamic is that 9/10 times women are put in the Back Pocket because he's looking for something better. And as long as the woman is willing to stay there on reserve, the plan works. What a harsh life that is as well.
You may be wondering what makes me such an expert on these particular issues. Well, I’ve experienced both journeys in my young life. I too have had to endure the devastation of the Friend Zone. Can you believe that?! Me! Friend Zoned for a good 3 years! (There seriously should be some sort of AA equivalent for delusional men stuck in this paradigm). I’ve also placed girls in the Back pocket. I know, I know I’m a terrible person. But In my defense I was stuck in between this weird Friend zone/back pocket space-time continuum. Where I back pocketed girls because I was waiting for my friend zone situation to be relinquished. A vicious, vicious cycle. So we've come to the part of the blog where we discuss some sort of resolution. Where we possibly find out some reasoning behind why and how people come to accept this as their reality.
To the men that find themselves stuck in this unpleasant calamity. My advice for you is to know your worth. (Not often advice you’d hear provided for men). But often times I feel men are rarely told what our worth truly is and tend to live life trying to figure it out on our own. Some miraculously find success in this approach. Others unknowingly fall into patterns and accept whatever comes their way. This doesn’t stop at just relationships but we’ll focus on that aspect for now. In a world where most men flee commitment, here you are standing ready and willing to completely devote yourself to another. And if she wants to limit her options based on “her type”, then Walk Away! There’s NO WAY to wiggle out of the friend zone. She won’t suddenly change her mind or wake up one day and see you as the 6’4”, light skin man she THINKS she wants. Stop allowing your shoulder to be drenched by her tears when she’s having ‘dating problems’. You’re worth more than that brother man.
To the women: An easy answer would be similar to what I offered to the men. “Know your worth”. But in my opinion I don’t think that’s the issue here. I know some strong Christian women with great careers. Who are strong, smart and know what they want out of life. And somehow STILL manage to find themselves in the infamous Back Pocket. How is that even feasible? I’m convinced that fear is what drives you. This totally illogical fear of potentially not having someone as a constant in their life. Even if that means being strung along with no end in sight. It’s completely ok to be alone. I’ll repeat that. IT’S COMPLETELY OK TO BE ALONE! (Besides, if you’re in the Back pocket you’re technically alone anyway). Trying to build something with someone who isn’t ready to offer a real commitment is exhausting. And there’s nothing worse than being exhausted and having fear telling you to endure.
Ladies does this sound familiar? "Yea, I really have strong feelings for you. I can see us starting a family someday and living that life you've always dreamed of. BUT, right now I wanna focus on blah-zee blah-zee blah". If you've heard this, you have just been placed comfortably right next to his wallet and car keys in the Back pocket! 'This is the space where a woman wants to share in a romantic relationship with a man and the man actually agrees to it. BUT just not right now, or Ever for that matter'. Unlike "The Friend Zone" where conversations about romance are completely avoided, Team Back Pocket actually embraces the conversation. Where actual feelings are on display and it possesses all the familiar symptoms of an actual relationship. Without it actually being one. OUCH!! Another interesting dynamic is that 9/10 times women are put in the Back Pocket because he's looking for something better. And as long as the woman is willing to stay there on reserve, the plan works. What a harsh life that is as well.
You may be wondering what makes me such an expert on these particular issues. Well, I’ve experienced both journeys in my young life. I too have had to endure the devastation of the Friend Zone. Can you believe that?! Me! Friend Zoned for a good 3 years! (There seriously should be some sort of AA equivalent for delusional men stuck in this paradigm). I’ve also placed girls in the Back pocket. I know, I know I’m a terrible person. But In my defense I was stuck in between this weird Friend zone/back pocket space-time continuum. Where I back pocketed girls because I was waiting for my friend zone situation to be relinquished. A vicious, vicious cycle. So we've come to the part of the blog where we discuss some sort of resolution. Where we possibly find out some reasoning behind why and how people come to accept this as their reality.
To the men that find themselves stuck in this unpleasant calamity. My advice for you is to know your worth. (Not often advice you’d hear provided for men). But often times I feel men are rarely told what our worth truly is and tend to live life trying to figure it out on our own. Some miraculously find success in this approach. Others unknowingly fall into patterns and accept whatever comes their way. This doesn’t stop at just relationships but we’ll focus on that aspect for now. In a world where most men flee commitment, here you are standing ready and willing to completely devote yourself to another. And if she wants to limit her options based on “her type”, then Walk Away! There’s NO WAY to wiggle out of the friend zone. She won’t suddenly change her mind or wake up one day and see you as the 6’4”, light skin man she THINKS she wants. Stop allowing your shoulder to be drenched by her tears when she’s having ‘dating problems’. You’re worth more than that brother man.
To the women: An easy answer would be similar to what I offered to the men. “Know your worth”. But in my opinion I don’t think that’s the issue here. I know some strong Christian women with great careers. Who are strong, smart and know what they want out of life. And somehow STILL manage to find themselves in the infamous Back Pocket. How is that even feasible? I’m convinced that fear is what drives you. This totally illogical fear of potentially not having someone as a constant in their life. Even if that means being strung along with no end in sight. It’s completely ok to be alone. I’ll repeat that. IT’S COMPLETELY OK TO BE ALONE! (Besides, if you’re in the Back pocket you’re technically alone anyway). Trying to build something with someone who isn’t ready to offer a real commitment is exhausting. And there’s nothing worse than being exhausted and having fear telling you to endure.